Revisions Made

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1. Sharpened the Thesis and Focus

One of the first things I changed was tightening up my thesis. In my earlier draft, I kept drifting into describing the F-22 itself instead of making a clear point about the rhetoric behind the two artifacts. I went back and rewrote the introduction so it actually sets up the argument I’m making. The new thesis is easier to follow, and the rest of the paper stays more focused on the rhetorical angle instead of wandering off into technical details.

2. Added More Actual Rhetorical Analysis

Another big revision I made was going deeper into the rhetorical strategies each artifact uses. My original draft leaned a little too hard on summary—basically retelling what the article and cartoon said. In the revision, I made sure to explain how the authors use things like tone, credibility, humor, and logical evidence to make their points. I also paid more attention to who each piece is talking to and why that matters. The analysis feels a lot more complete now.

3. Cleaned Up the Organization and Repetition

I also reorganized several parts of the essay. There were places where I repeated the same points—especially about the F-22’s costs and maintenance problems—so I went back and cut or rephrased those sections. I tried to make the transitions flow better and gave each paragraph a clearer purpose. These changes helped tighten the comparison section and made the overall paper read more smoothly.